it’s important for you to know that the only audience that you can ever guarantee is yourself. because in the end, who else can really afford to sustain the attention you crave? who else has the time to hang onto every word? think about how many of your own favs you’ve forsaken because, unbeknownst to them, they failed your expectations?
in my mind, there is a person, and in that person’s mind, there is a version of me that i didn’t live up to be. i didn’t keep performing poems like that, or releasing songs like this. to them, i have fallen off. not that this should matter to me, but it does – in fact, it drives guilt into my heart each day i don’t write. they personify the disappointment that only i can possibly feel for myself, but because i haven’t taken the time to value my own vision for who i could be, i have created this faceless avatar. they are nobody in particular, so they are everyone in general. it is this fear of not being any of the things that i possibly could have ever been that makes certain that i might never feel that i am enough.
but if only i had the humility to recognize that i couldn’t possibly hold the judgement of so many people, that even if i could matter this much, that i don’t necessarily have to. to entertain the notion of fading away, being forgotten, or never even noticed in the first place – in this age of perpetual visibility, of omnipresence, is being a nobody in fact freedom? what would it mean to live my life like the name behind a pseudonym? to transform the world while covering the tracks – not because it is a secret, but because it simply is.