What does it mean to truly take some time off, when you are your own project? When your name is your brand and your face is your logo? When self-care is facility maintenance, when self-improvement is a service upgrade? It’s only been two days since I got home from my month of travel. Upon arriving, showering, unpacking, cooking my own meal, spending time with Lovely, and nesting a bit, I find myself restless again. Maybe that’s actually the word – rest-less. Since when did having so much to do become a thing of envy? I find moments of relaxation often enough to feel guilty about it. But has even rest been marketed to me in a certain way? After sitting at the beach for long enough, having a couple of drinks, watching the waves, how long can I go before the anxiety of leaving the world behind eclipses my relaxation? What if the thought of doing absolutely nothing actually feels super-stressful? Perhaps what I’m desiring is not laziness, but agency. Or maybe I need to be more appreciative of what control I already have over my life. Maybe I need to learn how to stay driven without constantly desiring more. Or maybe I need more sleep.