I’ve been contemplating a hiatus for a couple of years now. It’s something that seems like I’m not old or established enough for. It’s contradictory to the hustle culture that my generation is driven by – a culture that can’t decide if it wants to retire early or sleep when it dies. A hiatus is defined as a break, interruption, fissure, gap, and other words that are at odds with being a productive member of society. Coming out of a government shutdown that followed a holiday vacation, I have to ask myself, didn’t you have your hiatus already? I think not. Unlike a mandated holiday or temporary unemployment, what compels me to a hiatus is that I still have agency. A hiatus isn’t an extended vacation, it’s a move toward evolution. It’s a vocation for life.
The last time I brought up the concept of a hiatus to someone above me in my professional hierarchy, I was told that those things typically need a material reason and a product-based output, like a book. So in order to get some headspace from my heavily ambitious plate I need to put an even more ambitious thing on my plate? I consider this a difference in personality and opinion. Some of the best things that have emerged in my life have come out of spontaneity, boredom, reaching a point where my slate was completely blank. The notion of a hiatus merely as an interruption where, upon my return, the same stack of tasks are still waiting for me, does not appeal to me. Neither does the idea of taking a hiatus that follows a predetermined agenda, probably set by an over-worked person or self. It’s like trying to make a meal when you’re famished. With a stomach growling, who has time to conjure something gourmet, measured, thoughtful, flavorful, and with intention? You’re hungry AF so you just end up with a sad quesadilla.
So what does it look like to take a hiatus that doesn’t taste like a sad quesadilla? I sure as hell don’t know, but the shutdown did give me a little taste. Despite the avalanche of work that’s sure to hit me tomorrow morning, I want to continue developing a curriculum for the major I mentioned a few days ago. Because I know that anything that even resembles a hiatus is not in my cards this year, I’ll resort to the typical surrogate, which is trying to reach some sort of <span class=”eyeroll”>work-life balance</span>. If and when I do get the chance to take one, I’d like for it to not feel like the quiet of a storm, but a change of seasons. A hiatus wouldn’t be a break, but a scene change that helps the rest of this story make sense.