i’m writing this morning while sitting in an awkward position, and by awkward position i mean physically awkward, not socially awkward, like if i were eating at a restaurant, only to look up and realize that i had somehow seated myself in between a newly wed couple who i don’t know, at the head table of a chinese banquet, and everyone’s clanging their chopsticks against their glasses. there i go again already going on a tangent in my first sentence. and now here goes the whole paragraph. what was it that i said the other day about getting to the point?
anyway. the physically awkward position that i’m sitting in is due to a sharp pain in my left shoulder, something that i began feeling at the beginning of april due to sitting too long coding. i spent the next couple of weeks addressing it by doing yoga, which in this moment of isolation was most easily accessible by subscribing to an app that totally has lulu lemon vibes. i scrolled through the gallery of instructors, with the kind of facial expression that is typically reserved for when i’m trying to find a feel-good romcom but netflix keeps suggesting investigative documentaries about how fucked up the food industry is. while reading the description for “optimum warrior flow,” i contemplated whether all of my work to empower and place agency with marginalized communities is disqualified by the fact that i now pay $15 a month for various white people to teach me how to find my center of gravity.
but lo and behold, within the next five days, my shoulder was completely healed! as i rotated my neck without a crack or pop, the phrase that popped up in my head was can’t hate!
can’t hate! is an expression that basically means “despite the fact that i should despise this, it in fact qualifies for my embrace.” can’t hate! typically follows an expectation that is broken, or rather a pit which lacks expectation that is filled with something that impresses. this can sometimes be from a stereotype that is defied, like the very brief period in middle school when i could actually shoot three-pointers “asian dude can hoop though…can’t hate!” but this shares a thin line with instances of cultural appropriation, which can also qualify for the phrase, like when tiger fork – a restaurant with a pretty atrocious “hong kong alley” theme opened in d.c. – still had pretty good noodles. “this brisket chow fun is pretty good though…can’t hate!”
can’t hate is sometimes awarded as a (subjective) absolving of the cultural appropriation label, because appropriation is an attempt to emulate something for its surface appeal without actually cultivating knowledge and expertise. for one to admit that they can’t hate on something means that what they’re commenting on is so good that they’re convinced that the potential appropriator must have done their homework (so was not the case with tiger fork, which had its can’t hate! rescinded when they gave us our check in a red envelope. can hate.)
anyway, all of that was a tangent to admit that it’s not the yoga app’s fault that i ended up injuring my shoulder again, it’s my fault for overdoing my wheel pose, despite the instructor in the video warning against overdoing my wheel pose. actually, the set of classes i ended up gravitating to are led by deepika mehta, a mumbai-based instructor who takes care to explain the sanskrit name and spiritual context of each movement, and who i was surprised and delighted that the app actually included. can’t hate!